Min nabo Ola.

01/08/2011

Hei, litt info: Dere som leste forrige innlegg vil nok oppdage at jeg har endret navnet på min nabo, og dette er for både hans og mitt personvern. Jeg vil på ingen måte henge ut verken han eller hans datter, da de er begge veldig hyggelige folk.

Ola har vært min nabo i 20 år før jeg flyttet til Oslo, og han har alltid vært gatas skumleste person. Det sier litt, fordi en periode bodde det en fyr som kaltes Traktor-Tomas der, som ved en anledning gikk rundt naken og med et svært gevær under armen. Jeg ville likevel heller møtt på Traktor-Tomas enn Ola i en mørk bakgate, spesielt hvis jeg ikke hadde hatt på meg refleksvest.

Ola er nemlig overdrevent opptatt av sikkerhet, og satte seg selv ansvarlig for å holde Furuvegen trygg for påkjørsler og alvorlige skader, ved og slå hardt ned på alle barn uten hjelm og refleksvest. Tok han deg uten, så fikk du en skjennepreken du sent kom til å glemme. De er i hvertfall etset inn i bakhodet mitt, sammen med hufsa og pompel og pilt.

Det jeg husker best er at han alltid var på vakt.




Han var på mange måter som en sikkerhetsninja. Eller hjelmninja.


Hjelmninjaene er kjent for sin høye levealder, og deres karakteristiske hjelmsveis. De er på mange måter som Thor Hushovd, bare uten sykkelen og med ninjamoves.

Uansett, Ola har også en datter som er to år yngre enn meg. Under en opphetet diskusjon angående hvem sin pappa som kunne saget den andre pappaen i hjel med motorsag så klarte jeg ved et uhell å slå henne med en svær pinne. Hele diskusjonen i seg selv var forresten ganske meningsløs, da både jeg og Lisa visste at Ola kunne saget både meg og pappa i hel med bare blikket. Det stoppet likevel ikke meg i å forsvare min fars ære. Jeg håpte vel litt på at pappa kanskje hadde plukket opp noen karatetriks på en av sine mange turer til Japan og Kina .

Pappa er også veldig flink med tall, en egenskap som til min store fortvilelse tydeligvis ligger i et recessivt gen. Fordi om jeg har lært noe av tv-serien numb3rs, så er det at du kan lage en algoritme for praktisk talt hva som helst, inkludert hvordan å sage en person i to.

Siden jeg ikke kan matte, måtte jeg ty til vold.

Jeg husker at hun, mens hun hylte av hele sitt hjerte, la veldig vekt på at det var en spiker i pinnen. Jeg forsto aldri det, fordi spikeren var på andre siden av pinnen, og rørte henne ikke! Det var likevel ikke en gunstig situasjon for meg, da hun kom til å si til Ola at jeg slo henne med en svær pinne med spiker i, noe som jo høres mye verre ut enn det var. Jeg var jo på ingen måte ute etter å drepe, bare skade.

Panikken slo meg og jeg fant ut at jeg måtte søke dekning, for når Ola fant ut om hvordan jeg hadde lemlestet hans datter, så kom han definitivt til å drepe meg. Nå insinuerer ikke jeg at Ola er noen form for barnemishandler, men jeg hadde tross alt slått hans lille prinsesse, pluss at han ved flere anledninger hadde tatt meg i å sykle uten hjelm OG refleksvest før det. Så om han først skulle slå et barn, så var jeg rimelig sikker på at det kom til å bli meg.

Jeg gjemte meg under terrassen vår.

Etter noe som føltes som en evighet, og et mislykket forsøk på å prøve å spise det jeg fant på bakken, fant jeg ut det var på tide å gå ut å møte min skjebne.

Jeg vet ikke om det var skuffelse eller lettelse jeg følte da jeg returnerte til sivilisasjonen og ingenting var forandret, men jeg vet én ting; Jeg skulle aldri sykle uten hjelm eller refleksvest igjen. Eller slå noen med en svær pinne med spiker i.

-Hanne

Les også

  • http://siljelien.blogg.no Silje

    Haha, jeg har hatt en nabo av samme kaliberet en gang. Heldigvis har jeg ikke det nå lenger, men kjente meg igjen i den der, gitt;)

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    HAHAHHAHA!!! nå lo jeg godt! herre… har også en sånn sær nabo, som er sykelig opptatt av hekken sin. Om min bil står utenfor kommer hun på døren og ber meg «pent» flytte den. damen er SCARY!!!

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    HAHAHA!!! Det er så godt å lese at andre har hatt en like syk barndom som meg. Her var det ungene fra den mest kristne familien i gata som presterte å true med at hennes pappa kom til å sage min pappa om jeg ikke gjorde ditt og datt, herlige greier..

    Er det rart man får en trang til å skade? 😛

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    HAHAHA jeg dør!

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    Haha 🙂

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  • Karo

    Hahahahahah :DD

    Syntes mest synd i deg, men det er litt synd i Ola også. Han må jo ha hatt en traumatisk opplevelse tilknyttet mennesker uten hjelm og refleks 😮

    Kjempefine tegninger, du er BEST!

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    Pinner uten spiker funker fortsatt, da?

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    Tusen takk! 😀

    Astarkvedja: Seff! En pinne uten spiker har vel aldri drept noen.

  • renati

    hahahha !

    elsker deg as <3<33<3<3<3<3<3<3<33<

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    Fantastisk! Igjen.

  • http://digitaldisaster.blogg.no Karen

    Hahaha, dette æ heilt fantastisk. Ganske gla eg ikkje komme frå Bryne nå. Hørtes hallskummelt ud. Her på fjelle har me kun superkristne naboa. Og di tar som regel ikkje opp problemå sine direkte te oss djevelbarn, de æ møje lettere å snakka seg imudlå.

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    HAHAHAHA

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    Det æ jo heilt sant!! Haha

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    I LOVE YOU, HAHA 😀

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    Åh, du er så … genial! Har ikke ord! 😀

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    HAHAHA <3

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    Er det normalt å ligge over tastaturet og le seg skakk ihjæl? Når jeg leser denne bloggen; ja♥

    Du eier lett hanne! Ingen over, ingen ved siden. Ola er creepy, da. Minner litt om faren til vennina mi; En gang fulgte han etter oss når vi stakk en tur til byen. Han stod og spionerte på oss i en halvtime, før han kom spankulerende fra skiltet han gjemte seg bak og kjefta på vennina mi som bare det fordi hun ENDA ikke hadde svart på sms’en han sendte for fem minutter siden… Hahahx) ♥

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    lurer litt på hvorfor du har instillt bloggen din på time kommune, når du bor i oslo? 🙂

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    Anna: nei den er på Kverneland 🙂

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    Haha – herlig!

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    klem <3

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    Og btw, jeg har en «Ola» som nabo………

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    lol

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    Alle har jo en »barndomsfiende», skummel og skrekkinngjøtende! Jeg husker »rødhusdama» Der jeg og besevennen min skulle selge lodd #Hjemmelagede# for og bli kvitt de bursdagsgavene som vi hadde fått to av. Så der gikk vi, glade og fornøyde, kansje 4-5 år gamle. Og så går vi bort til et rødt hus.

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    hahaha, ett av de beste hittil! 😀

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    HAHAH! Jeg ler meg skakk av deg 😀 Kom over bloggen din her om dagen, du er genial 😉

  • Fan

    Herregud. Du får meg til å smile! Jeg er skeptisk av natur.

    Du forteller med en skakk, lakonisk tone, men likevel alltid med varme for hovedpersonene, hvor langt de enn måtte ha havnet på skråplanet – mentalt eller sosialt. Freaky-bekymra-nabo-innlegget fanget essensen av min far.

    ….

    vanlig klaps.

    knyttet neve.

    bakvendt knyttet neve-klaps. <3

  • Silje

    Så utrolig bra blogg du har! Den kommer jeg til å følge videre:-D (er forresten over 19 😉

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  • Kenneth

    Hahahha! Knallbra Hanne!

    Sheriffen derane. 100% rektigt beskreve sånn så han e B-)

  • Thomas

    Artig! Vi pleide kalle «Ola» for Sheriffen xD
    Vi kommer fra samme sted, jeg vet nok hvem du er, det rare er, en venn i Japan sa til meg hun leste en norsk tegneserie som viste seg å være fra en jente fra kvernaland. Internett er lite til tider.
    Morsomt, Traktor Thomas stjal leke traktoren min da jeg var liten (T_T)

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