Toppblogger-guide for jenter som ikke har vunnet genlotteriet.

07/21/2010

Du sitter kanskje der hjemme å tenker hvor greit det ville vært å være toppblogger. Chillet der på toppen av lista, med sushi og champagne til frokost og druer servert på fat av ulovlige immigranter. Fått betalt for å gå på overpriste arrangementer og få henge med Norges kjendiselite. DET ville vært livet, dere.

Jeg har laget et diagram som viser hva en ekte toppblogger er laget av;

Som dere ser så er det veldig lite som krever evne og intelligens, så dersom du føler at du ikke er så flink til noe som helst, så vil jeg anbefale deg å satse på bloggeindustrien. Dersom du itillegg til mangel på indre kvaliteter også ser ut som ei burugle, vil du kanskje tro at det er umulig for deg å leve det skjønne bloggerliv, men tenk igjen!

La oss si at dette er deg:

Så skulle du kanskje ønske at du så ut slik:

Da er DU målgruppen for denne toppblogger-tutorialen!

1. Blek håret, og sett på extensions.
Bare dette vil gjøre underverker.

2. Få deg en homovenn.
Disse er svært nyttige å ha, da de ofte er flinke til både sminke og fotografi. Pluss, alle toppbloggerene har en, og de mest populære har flere. Her gjelder altså regelen "Jo flere, jo bedre", men én får holde i første omgang. Finn deg gjerne en som er litt overdramatisk, som vil tiltrekke deg oppmerksomhet:

Dersom du ikke klarer å finne en pga beliggenhet (De fleste holder til i storbyene) så har du kanskje en hetero venn som du kan fremstille som homo i bloggen din. Vær kreativ!

3.Ta finest mulig bilder.
Dette kan oppnås i 3 steg:

4. Elsk degselv!
Du har kanskje merket at din favoritt-toppblogger ofte viser om hun har gjort noe hun er stolt av? Hun er ikke redd for å vise at hun har oppnådd noe:

Bruk deg selv! Du er din egen største fan. Du er perfekt, og du vet det!

5. Endre på utseendet.
Her er det bare fantasien som stopper deg. Silikoninnlegg i pannen? Kreativt! Botox i kløfta? Go for it! Jo mer ukjent, jo bedre.
Det som likevel er greit å begynne med er leppene. Tynne lepper er et verdensproblem vi har kjempet mot siden Pamela Anderson kom hoppende inn på tv-skjermene i Baywatch-tiden og viste oss hvordan en EKTE kvinne skulle se ut.
Trikset her er å ikke ta Restylane med én gang, gjerne kjør litt teasere før du virkelig gjør det.

ANDRE TIPS:
Er du flink til noe som nesten ingen andre er flinke til? Vis det frem!
For eksempel;

PS: Er du gutt og vil på topplisten er det bare å skifte legning (Dersom du er hetero).

Les også

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