De som bor over oss har en tendens til å få frem det verste i meg, og jeg takler ikke leve slik lenger. Jeg føler at min nærmeste nabo er et diskotek hvor alle tar speed og har masse sex og fester flere dager i strekk. Jeg har måttet ty til stress-spising, og hvis dette fortsetter så kommer jeg til og måtte begynne å trene! Derfor bestemte jeg meg for å skrive et trusselbrev.
Hver lørdag henger de opp en slik plakat nede på oppslagstavla;
Problemet er jo bare at det ikke bare er på lørdagen, det er HVER. DAG.
Så jeg sendte dette;
Dear partypeople on 4th floor.
I don’t know if you’re norwegian, but since your tacky clipart party-invitations always are written in english I assume that you are not. I, on the other hand, am, and here in Norway it is not normal to party all day, every day. We have jobs and school we have to go to, and that autotune-squeeking you call music is making my day 500 times worse that it already was. Just the other day I had to eat a whole bucket of icecream to calm myself down, so I wouldn’t run up there and kick your door down and maul you.
I would really appreciate it if you could just delete all your Akon-inspired songs from your computer, and party somewhere else. Since you were stupid enough to post your picture on the bulletinboard downstairs I now know what you look like, so you should be very afraid. Because of your annoying music I get very little sleep, so I am not mentally stable. I WILL cut you.
Sincerely, Hanne on the 3rd floor.
PS: Please don’t report me to the police. I just want some sleep.
PS2: You know what, report me all you want! I will report YOU for ruining my sleep-pattern and destroying my faith in human-kind. Douchebags.